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RiverCat Journal : Bubbles

Posted by on April 7, 2013

Current Venue:  Tempe, AZ (Phoenix Area)
Campground: Tempe Travel Trailer Villa

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The best years of my life was traveling full-time with my long-time girlfriend for several years.

I envy the full-timers that are able to share the experience with their life partners — awesome!

Michele (aka “Bubbles”) and I toured the country for several years, living from hotel to hotel room.  We’d always talked about getting an RV but it never came to fruition before we parted ways.  It’s astonishing to me that the love of my life will not be sharing this experience with me.  I’m still in disbelief.  It’s hard to imagine it would have been any other way.

Nobody ever measures up, nothing compares to the experience I shared with her.  And, as crazy as it may sound, at the age of 42 I’ve pretty much determined I’ll never have another meaningful relationship.  Sound crazy?  I’ve felt this for years, now — so I’m becoming more and more “sure” all the time!

So where does that leave me?  Sometimes I wonder if I sabotage my financial success because I don’t want to embark on The Ultimate Journey without her.  I think I’m getting past that point, now — I believe I’m finally pushing through it.  But can I ever be as happy as I was with her, again?  As a single RVer, can I come close?

I wonder this a lot.  Particularly after a night of dreaming we’re still together…

life partner

Sand Dune, Outer Banks, NC

All this said, I wonder how I should approach dating.  Or, if I’m going to be somewhat happy as a single RVer, if I should even bother with it at all!  If I’m passionate about one thing — seeing what’s around the next bend — is that enough?  It’s a question I wrestle with quite a bit.  After all, if I am going to enjoy dating to the fullest, shouldn’t I still be romancing while I’m still somewhat young?  (Incredibly, I never seem to miss other women when they exit my life).

I really struggle with this question, because life sure seems simpler when I’m not misleading myself into believing that I can ever be in love again.  But at the same time, it seems a waste sometimes that someone can’t share my passion with me!

When I really get on the road full-time again…will having a life partner really matter?!

After all the effort I’ve put into this dream, I sure hope it doesn’t.

2 Responses to RiverCat Journal : Bubbles

  1. Donna K

    Wow, that’s some deep thinking tonight. From someone who will be celebrating our 40th anniversary in July, I guess I would fall into the category of people who want a life partner. It’s not all wonderful all the time, but the continuity and mutual support mean more than petty disagreements. Any chance on a reconciliation for you and Bubbles?

  2. RiverCat

    No, no….long-time heartbreak. Years ago. She has clearly moved on and has “changed” — she’s not the Bubbles I knew long ago.

    Logically, with or without a partner, I’ll always be happy on the road, though — with moments of melancholy, I suppose. And even though she was an amazing travel partner (always on the same page), you still lose a tiny bit a freedom with any partner, I suppose — such as with my pet that I can’t seem to find a home for. I think if I’d never been in that relationship I probably would never think about what a “shame” it was we’re not doing this together because I never would have experienced that sort of connection.

    But, after all, I can still share my journeys with my full-timer friends from time to time! I’ll probably only miss that intimate connection occasionally, that’s my guess.

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